The arrival of the MLB playoffs have brought my sporting thoughts back to baseball. The Cardinals bored me to death down the stretch this season, playing .500 ball as the team fell out of the playoff picture. So I’m a bit rejuvenated by the playoffs, despite my favorite team’s omission. I’m actually excited to root on the Rays, whom I’ve seen on TV just once this year. Hopefully my rooting for the Rays will go better than my rooting for the Angels, who need all the help they can get against the Red Sox. (Unfortunately, things aren’t looking so good right now: L.A. is down 4-1 in the 9th and former Danville Dan Jonathan Papelbon is heading into the game.)
Anyway, here’s my attempt at a late-night diversion. I’m building my own playoff contender by selecting the best players from this year’s playoff teams, but with a budget of $80 million. (Let’s be real here … I’m not attempting to do this for the Rays’ ‘08 payroll, roughly $44M.) That’s a modest budget. The three most expensive MLB teams this season — the Yankees, Tigers, and Mets — didn’t make the playoffs. However, the next five teams on the list all made it: the Red Sox, White Sox, Angels, Cubs, and Dodgers. The Phillies spent in the $90M range, and the Brewers came in at $81M. So I’ll see what kind of team I can build with Milwaukee’s money, which would place my fantasy team squarely in the middle of the financial pack. Financial figures are based on this year’s salary, even though I’m theoretically building a team for next season.
CA — Russell Martin, Dodgers ($0.5)
This is no easy choice, as Geo Soto looks tempting, and I’ve got a thing for Mike Napoli, too. But Martin is my man thanks to his .385 OBP, and he comes cheap at $500,000.
1B — Ryan Howard, Phillies ($10.5)
Maybe a no brainer, but I really like Mark Teixeira as well (dude hit .358 after being traded to L.A.). But Howard gives me a phenomenal clean up hitter for a couple million less.
2B — Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox ($0.4)
All due respect to Dustin Pedroia, but he’s no Chase Utley. Still, the difference between him and Utley is not as severe as the difference between my next selection, Rollins, and the rest of the shortstops in the playoffs.
SS — Jimmy Rollins, Phillies ($8)
Rollins gives my line up some much needed speed. 47 stolen bases. Only caught 3 times!
3B — Evan Longoria, Rays ($0.5)
Most offensive production for a 3B among this corps, and he’s $14.5M cheaper than Aramis Ramirez. Plus he’s a league-average fielder, so he won’t hurt me with the glove.
LF — Carlos Quentin ($0.4)
Carl Crawford, Jason Bay, Pat Burrell — all good choices. Manny Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano — both great choices. But I’m looking for bang for my buck, and that means I’m choosing either Ryan Braun or Carlos Quentin. Braun was surprisingly adept in the field this year, better than Quentin. Buck I like Carlos’ on-base abilities.
CF — B.J. Upton, Rays ($0.4)
So Torii Hunter is a fine candidate, but he makes too damn much money. Besides, I want more speed in my starting lineup. Luckily, there are plenty of speedy CFers to choose from, including Jacoby Ellsbury, B.J. Upton, Shane Victorino, and Matt Kemp. Surprisingly, Upton is my choice. His 16 assists by far led MLB center fielders this season, he has great range in the field, he reached base 38 percent of the time, and he swiped 44 bases. Sign him up!
RF — Jermaine Dye, White Sox ($9.5)
My team skews incredibly young so far, so I’ll opt for some veteran presence with this pick. Vlad had the worst season of his career this year and he’s too pricey anyway, so Dye is my man. With so much youth on my roster, I can roll the dice with Dye and his 34-year-old body.
For my N.L. bench, I’m choosing Shane Victorino ($0.5), Mike Napoli ($0.4), Andre Ethier ($0.4), Ryan Theriot ($0.4) and Mark DeRosa ($4.8), and Kevin Youkilis ($3.0).
Total position player salary: 14 players, $39.7M
Lineup:
Jimmy Rollins
Russell Martin
Carlos Quentin
Ryan Howard
Jermaine Dye
Evan Longoria
Dustin Pedroia
B.J. Upton
Rotation — righties Daisuke Matsuzaka ($8.3) and Rich Harden ($4.8), and lefites Scott Kazmir ($3.8), C.C. Sabathia ($11.0), and Cole Hamels ($0.5)
I thought about adding Joe Saunders and Ted Lilly or Jon Lester to make it an all-lefty rotation. There’s plenty of ways to build a rotation with the choice starting pitchers available on these teams. Hell, you could just give me the Angels’ starting five and I’d be set.
Pen — righties Jonathan Broxton ($0.5), Carlos Marmol ($0.4), Grant Balfour ($0.5), lefties Matt Thornton ($0.9) and Hideki Okajima ($1.3), plus closer Jonathan Papelbon ($0.8).
Good luck reaching base against this crew. I wanted to add Jamie Moyer for long relief, but I’m out of roster space.
Total pitching salary: 11 players, $32.8M
So that brings my overall payroll to $72.5M, leaving me some breathing room at the trade deadline. See, it’s not so hard to build a winning team on the cheap.
Not one, but two George Brett poop stories, as told by Mr. Pine Tar himself (crank your volume). I love that he segues out of this disgusting story in the most nonchalant fashion: “Who’s the pitchers in this game?”
Update: controversy!
Another update: Apparently the Poopy Police have been yanking down the videos. Here’s a new link to the video.
Some day, I will finally make a baseball park road trip of my own. In the meantime, I will live vicariously through Listmaker.
Find more goodies from Listmaker and Co.’s Rocky Mountain baseball trip at his blog. All of the videos are entertaining.
